Last month’s playlist was a Eurovision cheese fest, and this month I’m looking at the worst kind of cheese. The horribly sweet, overpowering kind, in a playlist I’ve called ‘Appalling Cheese’. It’s actually one I’ve been developing over time, although thankfully I’m limiting it to just 8 songs this month. Here’s a link to it on Spotify.
- ‘Macahula Dance’ – Dr Macdoo. This is supposed to be Scottish-inspired Europop, except that the man behind Dr Macdoo is actually Danish. I’ve included this rather than his other guise, Dr Bombay, where he puts on a stereotypical Indian accent. Because as he’s a white person, it’s textbook cultural appropriation and I don’t want to encourage that.
- ‘Chacarron’ – El Chombo. Allegedly the nonsensical vocals on this track were a placeholder to be used during production, but it was released anyway, probably as a joke.
- ‘No Way No Way’ – Vanilla. This is another song with an urban legend attached, in that its producers deliberately set out to release the worse song possible as a bet.
- ‘Cheeky Song’ – Cheeky Girls. Ah, the Cheeky Girls. They found fame on the show Popstars: The Rivals and were picked up by a record label keen to capitalise on their viral notoriety. Said record label went bust a couple of years later, but they’re still going.
- ‘Them Girls Them Girls’ – Zig and Zag. Zig and Zag are still a thing, apparently, despite this song having been released around 30 years ago when they were on The Big Breakfast. Its similarity to ‘I Like To Move It’ by Reel 2 Real (made famous in the film Madagascar) is no accident as both were produced by Erick Morillo, although this is significantly more excruciating to listen to. 10 year old me bought this on cassette; 40 year old me knows better.
- ‘Fast Food Song’ – Fast Food Rockers. Take a typical campfire song (McDonald’s, Kentucky Fried Chicken and a Pizza Hat), give it a kiddy pop beat, and then add some sexually suggestive lyrics for the dads, and you have this hot mess.
- ‘Ding Dong Song’ – Günther. Speaking of sexually suggestive, this is another painful piece of Europop by Swedish act Günther.
- ‘Mickey’ – Lolly. Toni Basil’s song was just fine as it was. This cover didn’t need to exist. I wish it didn’t
That’ll do for this month. And also, I’m sorry.
